I’m dating a woman who has been married twice, divorced once. Her first husband jumped off a bridge and committed suicide while on drugs. Her second husband overdosed in a car, and her son is in rehab. Should I be worried?
Given only those facts, I wouldn’t conclude that she is the cause of those tragedies. Her first husband’s suicide and her second husband’s overdose could reflect the severe effects of addiction and mental illness, not anything about her character.
That said, the pattern does suggest something worth paying attention to—not because it means she’s “bad luck,” but because it may indicate she’s spent much of her life around people struggling with addiction, trauma, or unhealthy relationship dynamics.
Some things to consider:
- Has she processed these experiences in a healthy way through therapy, support groups, or other means?
- Does she take responsibility for her own choices without blaming everyone else?
- Are there healthy boundaries in her relationships, especially with her son?
- Is there ongoing chaos in her life, or has she built a stable, peaceful life since those events?
- How does she handle conflict, stress, and difficult emotions?
The biggest predictor of how your relationship will go is how she behaves with you now, not the tragedies in her past.
On the other hand, there are legitimate warning signs if you notice things like:
- Repeated involvement with active drug users.
- Financial instability caused by rescuing or enabling others.
- Frequent crises or drama.
- Manipulation, dishonesty, or controlling behavior.
- Pressure on you to “save” or fix problems.
If none of those are present and she’s emotionally healthy, her history may simply reflect that she’s survived an extraordinary amount of loss.
A few questions might help you get a clearer picture:
- How long have you been dating?
- How old is she?
- Is her son currently sober and in treatment?
- Does she have a history of choosing partners with addiction, or were these isolated circumstances?
Those answers would tell you much more about the future of the relationship than the tragedies alone.